


Just Him and Me Together

by tess_genor



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Bickering, Emotional Baggage, Hopeful Ending, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Married Couple, Night Terrors, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:03:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tess_genor/pseuds/tess_genor
Summary: JT and Malcolm begin to notice some issues in their marriage and seek out professional help. A glimpse inside a couple's counseling session for the Tarmels.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright/JT Tarmel
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	Just Him and Me Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [literati42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/literati42/gifts).



> Special thanks to [IllestRin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllestRin/pseuds/IllestRin) for the beta
> 
> A very happy birthday to you, Chris!! I hope you had an amazing day and I can't wait to celebrate with you <3 I hope you enjoy the angst I gave to your boys.

Once a week, JT and Malcolm work through their lunch break. Not work though exactly, they have a meeting that makes it impossible for them to eat lunch that day. It’s not truly a meeting either. It’s a therapy session. Once a week JT and Malcolm leave the precinct to go to their couples’ therapy session.

This was something that they both had originally agreed on, but now it just feels like a hassle. Each session was so draining, not to mention that missing lunch only made the two of them more irritable. Today was no exception. They had a blowout fight over the weekend that landed JT on the couch. Malcolm fell asleep with a pain in his chest and JT woke up with a pain in his back. Malcolm wonders why their first year of marriage is nothing like the honeymoon phase so many people described.

Pulling up to the office, JT spots Malcolm leaning against the brick exterior of the building. Malcolm’s struggling between not wanting to look at his husband and glaring at JT to make sure that he knows that he’s the reason they’re running late.

”You didn’t wait for me?” JT closes his car door and locks it. The beep causes Malcolm to jump, and he rolls his eyes at his husband.

”You didn’t offer to drive.” Malcolm shrugs. “I just assumed you had left without me so I ubered here not wanting to be late.”

Waiting until JT walks past him, Malcolm digs further, “But that didn’t matter because you made us late anyway.”

Pulling the door open, JT steps through and uses his arm to keep it open for his husband. “I was looking for you.” JT calls over his shoulder as he bounds up the stairs to their therapist’s office.

They’re only four minutes late which is well outside of the 15 minute call policy that’s expected of patients. The receptionist greets them with a nod and tells them that they can just head straight into the office.

Malcolm makes it a point to say thank you to the woman and bats his eyes dramatically at JT who holds the door open for him.

“Boys! So good to see you both.” Dr. Cee smiles.

She always smiles. They’ll never admit it but both men love their doctor. She’s always so patient with them and her kindness never leaves them feeling like one of them was right and the other is wrong. Dr. Cee clears her throat and the session starts.

”Aftertoon, Malcolm.” She nods at JT. She knew better than to force him into polite conversation, it never held any importance for him. “Shall we pick back up from where we left off last week? Or is there anything new that you want to talk about?” 

Malcolm looks at JT warily, then down at his hands. He knows what JT is going to bring up, he _should_ bring it up because it became a whole issue. Still, Malcolm feels bad. JT forces a smile at Malcolm. They’re here for a reason and JT is not going to let that go to waste.

“There was something that came up over the weekend…” JT trails off. The hostility between him and his husband has grown unbearable, to the point where they needed professional help, but a part of him is still holding back to protect Malcolm.

Dr. Cee sighs. She hoped they had made progress from last week, but from the Tarmel’s painful expressions she knows that if anything all they did was take a step backwards. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me about it?”

Rubbing a hand over his face, JT leans back against the couch, flinching when he feels Malcolm pull his hand away from touching his back. “Malcolm constantly disrespects and disregards my boundaries.”

“When you say it like that you make me sound like a terrible husband. I’m not the enemy, JT. 

“Malcolm, it’s very important that you allow JT this time to talk about how he feels. You know I always give you both an equal opportunity to speak.'' Dr. Cee levels with him.

“Alright, I’m sorry. Please continue.” Malcolm dramatically crosses his legs to feign looking interested and JT’s face turns bright red.

“See? This is exactly the kind of shit you always make me put up with. It’s always about you. Whatever little thing you can do to grab attention. You just don’t know when to stop, do you?” At this moment, Dr. Cee is a witness as JT” anger spills over and directs itself at Malcolm.

More and more recently, the two of them found themselves on the receiving end of each others’ outbursts. Things that normal couples could talk out ended up being a screaming match. They had never been like this before, but that’s why they started seeing Dr. Cee. She could help them get back to where they used to be.

”Why don’t you try to start from the beginning again? We can work this out in a healthy way. You’re both exceptionally smart and aware of each other’s feelings. But that also makes it easier for the two of you to wound one another.” Dr. Cee’s words come crashing down on them.

It’s true. They know each other intimately, in every sense of the word, and that makes them more than well suited to pick each other apart. It comes with the job, it comes with their sense of humor, and it comes with their baggage. Pushing people away is easier than opening up. And for the people that they’ve already opened up to, it’s easier to keep them at arms length than it is to let them see them up close; where every crack and badly done patch is open to an inspection.

”It really did start as a joke.” Is how JT begins the story.

”You don’t need to soften the blow, JT. I know what I said. Just,” Malcolm sighs, eyes begging for Dr. Cee not to judge him, “just tell her what happened.”

”Malcolm made a joke, it was over sports, it was stupid. I was checking up on my fantasy baseball team, he had asked for my help and I asked him to wait a second because I was in the middle of checking stats…”

_”Hey, hon? Can you give me a hand with Sunshine’s cage? I can’t pick it up and hold her at the same time.” Malcolm called from the living room._

_Up in their shared office, JT heard his husband’s voice float up the stairs. Malcolm had been talking about relocating their bird’s cage to be closer to the window for weeks now, but every time Malcolm said he was going to move the cage it was just an empty promise._

_”I’m in the middle of updating my stats, can you wait for five minutes?” JT shouted back through the open door. His voice rang out across the loft and in the silence that followed he heard Malcolm sigh dramatically._

_”Sometimes I think you love those baseball players more than you love me.”_

It’s a joke that Malcolm always makes. And JT always follows it up with “You get a pair of those pants and we’ll renegotiate.” Well, almost always. Usually. Most of the time. Except this time he didn’t. This time he said, “Sometimes I think you love that bird more than you love me.”

_As soon as the words left his mouth JT knew that he was going to be in for it. The soft thuds of Malcolm bounding up the stairs alerted JT that his husband was closer than he thought._

_There was a glint in Malcolm’s eyes. One that JT was readily able to recognize. It’s the same look that Malcolm always got when he finally cracked a particularly difficult case. This specific look meant that Malcolm knew he was on to something, knew that what he was about to say was going to stun the room. “Sunshine doesn’t talk back.”_

_His words hit JT like a punch to the gut. The light smile that graced JT’s lips fell away and was replaced with a scowl. They both had deviated from their normal banter and it suddenly felt like they didn’t know how to talk to each other outside of that._

_”JT, wait. That’s not what I meant.” Malcolm retreated. Hoping that if he gave JT some more space it would make up for the way his words wounded him._

_”Yeah, but you said it anyway, Malcolm.”_

”What do you think went wrong?” The question feels like a soft ball. Still, it’s hard to find the answer. Which part was the part that was wrong? The jokes? The way the conversation ended? None of it was right.

”I didn’t think before I spoke.” Malcolm hangs his head.

If it was anyone else, JT would accuse them of just acting remorseful, but he knows that Malcolm truly didn’t say it to hurt him. Still, it was thoughtless and it made JT feel bad. It’s not very often that the two of them don’t share a hobby and to have Malcolm throw that in his face felt like a shun.

”What do you think caused you to respond like that, Malcolm?” Her gaze is piercing and begs for Malcolm to tell the truth.

Ringing his hands nervously, Malcolm looks between his husband and their therapist. Everyone in the room knows what it means when Malcolm pulls on his hands like that. He doesn’t want to say what he’s thinking and feeling. He’s searching for the words that will most gently explain what’s on his mind. He opens his mouth to start but all that comes out is a strangled noise and he immediately shuts it again. Hot tears blur his vision and track down his face.

”Something is obviously bothering you, Malcolm. This is a safe space to talk about your feelings. JT is here because he wants to work things out with you.” Dr. Cee leans forward in her chair, a calm energy radiating off of her. Malcolm knows he can say the truth, and he should, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to.

”Malcolm, _please_.” His husband begs him. JT is begging him, which only makes Malcolm cry harder.

”Sometimes I worry that we only bicker with each other because it’s just thinly veiled anger.” Malcolm forces a laugh. “I worry that we both mean what we say, even when we don’t. That if we keep joking like this, one day it’s going to be true.”

”Mal,” pain flashes in JT’s eyes, “if messing around with you like that is upsetting you, why didn’t you ask to stop?”

”I didn’t want you to think I’m sensitive.”

JT groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Honey, I already know that you are. Why wouldn’t you tell me?” JT’s voice is stern and his words cut Malcolm deeply. This is what he was hoping to avoid.

”Because I don’t trust that you would stop.” The confession chills the room.

”What?” JT asks in disbelief.

”Our banter has become so central to our relationship. I feel that if you knew I wanted to stop that you wouldn't, because you wouldn’t want to lose that part of our relationship.” More than anything in the world Malcolm wants to reach for JT’s hand. Even when JT is the one that is causing Malcolm pain, and Malcolm is sending pain back, he searches for comfort from his husband.

“You don’t trust me?” JT repeats. When has he ever done anything that would cause Malcolm to think that?

“No. I don’t.” Malcolm shouts, the frustrations he’s tried so hard to keep down finally bubbling over. “You’ve been keeping secrets from me! I know you have!”

Before JT can reply, Dr. Cee steps in. “How do you know that, Malcolm?”

”I can hear you taking phone calls late at night. You’ve been ‘working’ hours that you normally don’t. You’re deleting texts-”

”You went through my phone?”

”You left it on the counter.” Malcolm throws JT a sad look.

”That’s not a reason to!” JT yells back. The way his voice booms sends Malcolm deeper into his corner of the couch.

“Why did you feel it was necessary to go through his phone, Malcolm?” Dr. Cee fixes her gaze on Malcolm and it only crushes him further. He knows that he shouldn’t have, he was never that kind of partner, but his fear of losing JT makes him fray at the edges and abandon common sense and decency.

”I needed to convince myself that he wasn’t cheating on me.” Malcolm sardonically laughs at the ceiling. “I’m sorry, JT, but I needed to rule that out. I didn’t want to think that you were capable of that.”

_JT’s phone buzzed. Once, twice, dammit where was his husband? Malcolm went over to the source of the noise and found that JT was nowhere near his phone. Trying his best to be helpful, Malcolm scooped the phone up and headed to find his husband._

_It was an accident at first, truly. Malcolm and JT each added their partner to their phone’s Face ID. Malcolm picked up JT’s phone and it unlocked, it was as simple as that. Until Malcolm noticed that the last message from Dani was a few days ago, even though JT had told Malcolm that the person texting him earlier today was Dani. It didn’t make sense._

_Malcolm told himself that it was just a mistake, but that nagging feeling that something was wrong kept Malcolm up at night more than usual. So he did the next illogical thing and began to snoop through JT’s phone. Days worth of conversations were missing. He had half a mind to confront JT, but all the possibilities solidified that ignorance is in fact bliss. Malcolm left it alone. Positive that JT would tell him whenever he was ready._

”Malcolm, can you see why JT would feel that this was an invasion of his privacy?.” Worry coats Dr. Cee’s voice. Her words alone are enough to make Malcolm further regret his actions.

“He’d feel like I don’t trust him.”

”You already said you don't trust me. I’m not shocked.” JT crosses his arms. Malcolm turns to him to speak but a glare from his husband stops the words before Malcolm says them. “I’m not. I’m hurt, sure, but I’m not shocked.”

”Malcolm, is this a recent development for you?” Dr. Cee scribbles something down onto her notebook, she checks her phone, and then writes something else down.

He nods and she writes something else down. Subconsciously, JT pats the silenced phone in his pocket. He wishes it would ring or burst into flames. Anything to end this session.

”I think that it would be beneficial for the two of you to come up with a _written_ list of boundaries that are important to you.” She emphasizes the word written. They have homework.

”What should we do with the list?” JT asks, hoping to move the conversation away from Malcolm’s misdeeds.

”Bring it back in next week. I’d like to go over what the process was like for the two of you while you were writing the list. I’d also like to review the list with you both to see if there’s anything there I can help you with.” The doctor smiles at them. Malcolm doesn’t even need to look at JT to know that his brows are furrowed in that classic frown that silently screams that he thinks this is all a joke.

”So, what? I’m supposed to write down ‘Malcolm can’t touch my phone’ stuff like that?” JT scoffs.

”I can’t touch your stuff, I can’t touch you. What’s next? I can’t look at you?” Irritated, Malcolm twists away from JT, hoping that his back will shield JT from the tears he cries.

”You do realize that this isn’t about you, right? You’re not the one who gets to be this hurt when _I’m_ the one who is feeling violated.” JT turns to face Malcolm, even though he is only speaking to his back.

”Let’s backtrack a second.” Dr. Cee says. “When’s the last time the two of you were physically close?”

”I don’t know a couple weeks ago?” JT guesses. He’s unsure but two weeks doesn’t sound that far off.

”Are you kidding?” Malcolm slumps back against the couch. “We haven’t had sex in over a month.”

”That’s not the only thing I meant.” Dr. Cee can’t help but to smirk. Sometimes men really just blow her mind with the emphasis they place on sex.

”Physical intimacy doesn’t just mean sex, you know. It can just mean being near each other. Holding each other while watching television or fixing the other’s tie. Allowing yourselves to be receptive to touch of any kind.” She explains further. Detailing the importance of touch. How it releases oxytocin and builds trust. Both of which the two men in front of her seem to be lacking.

”There was the other night.” JT offers up. He looks at Malcolm for permission and gets a nod in return. “Malcolm had a night terror again.”

_A scream shook JT from his dream. Next to him, his husband was panting and shaking._

_”Hey? Honey?” JT sat up and reached for his husband’s back to rub soothing circles against his bare skin. His touch was met with a yelp and Malcolm fleeing backwards towards the headboard._

_”No, please, don’t.” Whimpered Malcolm._

_”Malcolm?” JT tried again. “It’s just a dream, you’re okay. You’re safe here. I’ve got you.”_

_”Dad, stop it. You’re scaring me. I don’t want to.” Malcolm cried._

_With a heavy heart, JT recognized this nightmare. This was one that came up every now and then: Martin forcing Malcolm into killing someone. Usually it was Sophie Sanders, but occasionally it happened to be one of Malcolm’s loved ones on the lethal end of his father’s blade._

_”Your father isn’t here.” JT reminds his husband. “It’s all just a dream, honey. He doesn’t have you. You’re not hurting anyone.” JT’s gentle voice slowly pulled Malcolm from the nightmare._

_Malcolm was close to calm, but the smokey coils of his father’s lingering presence in his subconscious made it difficult for him to truly believe what he was hearing. JT needed to remind Malcolm in a more solid way that it was all just a bad dream._

_Rolling to his side, JT pushed up from his warm spot on the bed and crawled over to the foot of the bed opposite Malcolm. Malcolm looked smaller than usual with his legs drawn up against his chest and his head pressed against his knees. JT laid down on his stomach, his head propped up on his hands so that he could meet Malcolm’s downcast eyes. “Breathe with me, honey.”_

_JT dramatically sucked air in through his nose and blew his breath out so that it hit Malcolm’s bare feet. It was a physical reminder that his night terror wasn’t real, and that being here with JT was. The rhythm of JT’s breaths helped to ground Malcolm in reality._

_”Malcolm, look at me. I’m okay. You’re okay. Just keep breathing with me.” JT instructed Malcolm. He kept repeating comforting phrases similar to that until Malcolm uncurled himself. JT stayed like that, close enough to Malcolm to touch his legs if he reached out, exchanging breaths with his partner._

”That’s a great example of physical intimacy and respecting boundaries, you guys.” Dr. Cee smiles and it brings some much needed levity to the room. “You both obviously still care for each other. It’s all still there, we just need to work on finding it daily again. I truly do believe that you can get things back to your normal, with some hard work and learning to compromise.”

”Can we?” Malcolm desperately asks. He so wants it to be true. They’re not paying Dr. Cee to lie to them.

”Of course you can. You being here just proves that you want to make things better. You’ve been married for a year, together for even longer than that, and you’ve always found ways to work. You’re just a little stuck right now, and that’s okay, because you’re working on making progress to get back on track.” She taps her pen twice before writing something else down. Malcolm is fairly sure it’s a reminder to talk to Gabrielle about his night terror.

”That was a hell of a lot of different ways to say that we’re building back to how things used to be.” JT calls her out. “Working, making progress, getting back on track. All of that doesn’t do us any good. About to get ready is not the same as currently getting ready is not the same as ready. You know?”

”It’s not up to me.” Dr. Cee looks at JT from over her glasses. “I can give you the tools and help you with the foundation, but building things back up is all on you.”

”We’re not building a house-” JT starts.

”No, you’re building a home.” Dr. Cee finishes. That is enough to get both JT and Malcolm’s attention and to make them think. She’s right and that metaphor actually helps them to begin to frame things differently.

”What are some of those tools?” Comes Malcolm’s quiet voice.

A sly smile from their doctor causes the couple to exchange a glance. They already know what she’s going to say before she even says it. _They already have the tools, they just need to use them._ And her reply really isn't that different from what they were expecting.

”You’ve only been married a year but you’ve known each other longer than that. As fiancés, as boyfriends, as friends, and as coworkers. You’ve managed to work things out for a very long time. Right now, you just need a little extra help.” Settling into a more comfortable position, Dr. Cee pauses and waits for her patients to give her anything. A question, a nod, hell she’ll even take a retort.

Malcolm is the first to speak up. “You want us to find similarities?” His background in psychology works wonders in their sessions. He can quickly parse out what Dr. Cee wants them to learn and realize. Though sometimes, it also poses a bit of a hassle. He can see the question form before she even asks it.

”For instance you’re both wildly dedicated to those you consider family. You’d both go to extreme lengths to protect someone.” She gives JT a nod. “Like how you tried to soften the blow to Malcolm when describing what happened this past week.”

Dr. Cee raised a good point. Either JT or Malcolm would do anything for each other or their family. Malcolm proved that with Ainsley all those years ago and JT said that he understood why Malcolm had done it. JT would’ve done the same for Malcolm, he knows it deep in his heart that if it came down to it he really would do anything for his husband. No matter how much they seem to be getting on each other's last nerve recently.

”You also are both aware of the anxieties the other has, and being more understanding in this department could ease some tension.” It’s a gentle reminder for them. Neither of them are without scars.

Malcolm isn’t the only one with night terrors. Some nights, it’s JT who’s transported back in time. To a battlefield where every split second decision could be the difference between life and death. On those nights, Malcolm takes on the role of being the one to comfort his husband. This is a chance for Malcolm to use some of the tactics that JT uses on him; and help JT in the same way that JT helps him. Their wounds are different, but it’s something they can share. Dr. Cee’s job is to help them bandage each other back up.

”In order for progress to be made, you both will have to put in an equal amount of effort and try not to place the entirety of the blame on either one of you.” Not quite stern, Dr. Cee makes sure to emphasize her instructions with a firm look.

Looking back and forth between the two men, the doctor makes sure to convey the levity of her next statement. “Both of you are strong men, who have been through very different traumatic experiences. Learning how to respect each other’s boundaries and when to offer support is something we can all work on together.”

”What can we do?”

JT’s question hangs heavily in the air. Malcolm looks at his husband and for a moment he panics. What if there’s nothing they can do? He knows that’s not true, but the fear is enough to seize his chest. He _does_ want to make it work, but the task ahead of them is daunting. Malcolm longs for the days when he and JT always knew what the other meant and the only therapist in his life was Gabrielle.

”Communication is key. It doesn’t have to be verbal, but I think that going back to the basics of communication can help to eliminate a lot of the guessing that you’re both dealing with.” More homework from Dr. Cee.

”What do you think is a good way to reorder your thoughts?” Placing her notepad flat on her lap, Dr. Cee excitedly looks at the Tarmels. She knows that this is a question they can easily answer.

”Try to keep each other’s feelings in mind.” Malcolm says and gets an eager nod in return.

”Focus on the positives.” Adds JT and Dr. Cee smiles. She knew they would get it.

Checking her watch, Dr. Cee taps her notebook and looks back up at the couple in front of her. “That concludes our session for this week.” She stands and the two men follow suit. “If anything comes up that requires my urgent attention, please don’t hesitate to reach out.”

”Thank you, doctor.” JT says before turning to grab the door for his husband.

”Have a nice weekend.” Malcolm follows JT out the door and back into the waiting room of the office.

Fiddling with the buttons on his jacket, JT speaks to Malcolm without actually looking at him, “I’ll meet you back at the precinct?”

The question catches Malcolm off guard. They got here separately, JT’s question makes sense, yet after the session going so well Malcolm half expected JT to offer him a ride back. Remembering Dr. Cee’s notes to be more considerate of each other, Malcolm puts himself into JT’s shoes. Malcolm is the one who separated them on their way here, he doesn’t want to be the divisive force for the drive back too.

”Can I ride with you?” Malcolm interlocks his hand with JT’s. “You can say no, I’d just like to be in your company.” The honesty feels good. It feels normal.

JT stares at Malcolm. He knows that the session is fresh in their mind but it’s crazy how quickly a slight adjustment makes a world of differences. “Of course.” He gives Malcolm’s hand a squeeze before dropping it.

There’s hope for them yet.

**Author's Note:**

> If this was your cup of tea, hold the ketamine, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tess_genor) or on the 18+ prodigal son trash server.


End file.
